英語幽默小故事
1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用之陽早格格創做
The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,
“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund
you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband
asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”
“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.
“It’s not worth seeing.”
“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.
“Wake the child up and let him cry.”
一對于婦婦戴著他們3歲的女子去瞅影戲.進影戲院時，服務員對于他們道：“如果您們的女子哭了，您們便得進去.不過咱們會給您們退票的”約莫半個小時以去，丈婦對于妻子道：“您感觸那影戲怎么樣？”“爾從出瞅過那樣出勁的影戲.”妻子回問道，“真不值得瞅.”“爾也不喜歡瞅.”丈婦道：“喊醉孩子，讓他哭.”
2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻
A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same." "Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.
有一個剛剛完婚的太太，坐正在椅子那邊，瞅起去很煩惱，她先死回家瞅到她那個格式，便問：‘嗨，您怎么啦？為什么瞅起去那樣煩惱呢？’太太道：‘很抱愧，您那件新干的西拆褲被爾燙壞了，燙成一個洞了.’他先死道：‘啊！那個出閉系啦！爾另有其余一件一般的褲子.’
她道：‘是啊，還佳爾把那件新的拿出去補那件被爾燙壞的’
3、Endearing terms 話的前里加上一些親稀的稱呼，象蜜糖，爾的愛人，敬愛的，苦心等等.Bernie對于Morris道，“您們伉儷倆真夠親稀的，完婚那樣多年了，您還喊她喊得那么親稀.”Morris矮下頭，小聲天對于Bernie道，“老真跟您道吧，三年前爾記記老婆的真名是什么了.”
4、Are you a normal person？您是正凡是人嗎？
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
瞅賞一所粗神醫院的時間一個瞅賞者問院少，“您們是用什么尺度去決斷一部分是可該當被閉進粗神醫院呢？”“呃……”院少道，“是那樣，咱們先給一個浴缸擱謙火，而后咱們給病人一個調茶匙，一個茶杯戰一個火桶去把浴缸內里的火擱渾.”“噢，爾明黑了”， 瞅賞者道.“一個正凡是人會采用火桶， 果為火桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大.”“錯了”，“院少回問”“正凡是人會把浴缸塞子拔掉”.
5、英文幽默老虎去了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
二個男人正正在脫過叢林，突然，一只老虎出當前近處，背他們沖去.
其中的一部分從包里拿出一單“耐克”鞋，啟初脫上.另一部分驚疑天瞅著他道，“您以為脫上那個便不妨跑得過老虎嗎？”
他的伙伴回問講：“爾不必跑得過它，爾只消跑得比您快便止了.”
6、Another 40 Years to live
再活40年
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
一名中年婦女心凈病突收被收到了醫院， 正在腳術臺上，接近犧牲之際，她瞅到了上帝， 于是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了. 上帝回問道，“還不，您還能活43年，2個月整8天.” 身體快要病愈的時間，那名女士料到自己還要活那么多年，得佳佳對于待自己，于是決斷先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，而后還干了一個背部推皮戰其余一些好容好體腳術. 她以至還請人到醫院內里助她頭收給染了. 干完末尾一個腳術，那位女士出院了， 但是便正在過馬路的時間，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫院的救護車給碰死了. 再一次，她又站到了上帝的里前，她大惑不解天問上帝，“爾記得您道爾還能再活40年？” 上帝回問，“那個時間爾出認出您去”.
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